Meet Amber Hunt
“Everything happens for a reason and every reason has a purpose.”

Vitals: 18 years old Freshman at Western Illinois University, Macomb, Illinois Major: Pre-nursing Hometown: Maywood, Illinois Attended the S.A.D. Foundation camp 2011 S.A.D. Foundation scholarship recipient Achievement … at 14 years old, founded the Purple Hearts dance group for girls ages six to 17 with public performances that included Bud Billiken parade on Chicago’s south side.

Ambur Hunt’s grandmother loved being a nurse.  This impressed the 18-year-old graduate from Proviso Mathematics and Science Academy in Forest Park.  One of two 2011 scholarship recipients of the Sheilah A. Doyle Foundation, Ambur now studies pre-nursing at Western Illinois University.

Her career choice follows suit with Ambur’s compassion for others: She started the Purple Hearts dance group to get neighborhood girls off the street; took part in the Youth Encourages Success program in high school where she worked with high-risk youth; and, just prior to college, worked with a youth organization at Loyola Medical Center to help minimize gang activity in the Proviso Township area.

Ambur is testimony that from the midst of sorrow and tragedy a person has the power to take a stand for the greater good and make a difference.

At four years of age, Ambur lost her father Silas Hunt to murder.   As the years went on, Ambur says that she felt like she just needed to “get over it.”  This changed after attending the S.A.D. Foundation camp in 2011.  “The camp taught me that I’ll never get over it – the pain just doesn’t disappear like a cold.  You have to live with it for the rest of your life.  After awhile, the attention diminishes and you stop hearing that and you feel like maybe it’s time to stop crying and get on with it.  You never completely heal,” said Ambur.  And that, she learned, is a good thing. 

She explains, “The camp gave me peace because there wasn’t any need to make sense of it and why I still cry about things.  It’s been 13 years since my dad’s death and it gave me a reason to grieve.”

One of Ambur’s most poignant moments during camp came when she made the compass box.  “The younger kids and older kids made nested boxes with notes of what you go through with whoever it is you lost.  I wrote notes to my dad – in some kind of way he’s in that box.  It’s cardboard and is decorated on the outside with a star.  I remember when I was little, my mother would tell me that the brightest star in the sky is my dad.  I love that box.”

Ambur says she valued the time with other people her age.  “One big thing I got out of camp is that there are people like me who have gone through an incredible loss.  Everybody at camp was in my group.  All my friends have both their parents.  There was a lot of time when I was younger when I was in it by myself.  The best part was group sessions telling about their stories.”

Finding a healthy place for grief in her life prompts Ambur to offer this advice, “Keep going.  I promise that how much you cry, the sun will come up tomorrow and a new day will start no matter what happens the day before.  My mom would tell me: ‘You can’t give up.’  Talk to people who have been through it.  My big buddy was an older person who had a similar experience and she said it’s hard, but count your blessings … she lost her mother and didn’t know her father.  She said, ‘So, even though you don’t have your dad, you have your mom and others who love you.’ ”

To close, we defer to the first line of Ambur Hunt’s scholarship essay submitted to the S.A.D. Foundation: Everything happens for a reason and every reason has a purpose.  We agree, Ambur.

Strategic Partner: Comfort Zone

An Interview with Pete Shrock, National Program Director, Comfort Zone Camp

Scrawled in black crayon on a white poster board were the words: Papa, I miss you very much.  Have fun pouring out the rain. A large heart encircled the note.  This is one of thousands of sentiments shared by youth ages 7 to 17 who attend Comfort Zone camps across the country each year.  The Sheilah A. Doyle Foundation is proud to sponsor its annual camps in partnership with Comfort Zone.

The core values of each organization run parallel: helping kids heal and grow through a healthy approach to grieving.  The following is an interview with Pete Shrock from Comfort Zone’s headquarters in Richmond, Virginia (comfortzonecamp.org)

What is Comfort Zone Camp?

Comfort Zone Camp is a bereavement camp that transforms the lives of children who have experienced the death of a parent, sibling, or primary caregiver. The free camps mix traditional camp activities with confidence building programs, one-on-one mentoring, safe risk taking and age-based support groups that break the emotional isolation grief often brings. Comfort Zone is well beyond just a camp; it’s a philosophy of resilience for the more than 8,000 children served to date.  We have 15,000 trained volunteers and 10 percent of our volunteers were campers.

What did you think about the S.A.D. Foundation’s Fall 2011 camp?

That weekend shaped the minds for tomorrow’s leaders.  These two programs truly collaborated for the betterment of community.   It’s a vulnerable population.  These two missions, two passions collided … and now you will see the ripple effects for years to come.

How did you and the S.A.D. Foundation find each other?

Comfort Zone has served kids throughout Chicago for 10 years. We offer travel scholarships nationwide.   We received a phone call from Kevin Doyle with interest in a camp for children in the Chicago area; it was like a match made in heaven.  We saw that Kevin wanted to make a difference.  With our missions put together, we created a platform for kids struggling with a death of a parent by homicide.  Our program provides critical self-esteem for success.

Why is the age group for S.A.D. Foundation campers so important?

We chose seven to 17 years old, a time when youth transitions to young adult. It’s a key time for our services and help.  That transition is really important because most services stop at 18, but emotional functioning and cognitive skills don’t -- so during the largest transition of your life, there’s a tremendous need, a lot of hurdles, a lot of struggles.

The impact of a traumatic loss stunts your life skills and creates struggles with trusting, opening up, positive risk-taking – crucial skills to be a successful, healthy adult.  There’s a need for support and encouragement, and it is tremendous.

What are your thoughts about the Sheilah A. Doyle Foundation?

You’re looking at two nonprofits built out of a place of emptiness.  When you live through something and you can use that to use momentum to help others - that’s a powerful mission.  Both (organizations) are like “because something bad happened to me doesn’t mean my life has to be bad.”

Comfort Zone and S.A.D. created hope out of something negative.  The kids we help will learn that message too.  When you look at a child that has had an opportunity to gain perspective and get a view on their life, it allows them to have power.  They say “I can create change.”  And they want to immediately give it to someone else.  Without it, suicide, depression, substance abuse, negative coping skills, lack of trust and all those things (can happen) … a lifetime of thinking and feeling that is very different than a lifetime (of positive living).

How did Comfort Zone start?

Comfort Zone started when a nine-year old lost her mother.  By 12, she had lost her father.  She grew up going to summer camp and it was the only time she felt at peace and connected.  She took her loss in life and founded Comfort Zone.  It’s the ripple effect you want to see happen.

How can a person make a difference in the life of a grieving child?

Become familiar with organizations so you can recommend them to someone or volunteer.  Learn about it before it impacts you personally.  We as a society need to be more intentional and find out how you can have a direct impact on this. It’s a simple suggestion – a willingness not to have to fix something, but be present and actively listen; it’s one of the most powerful tools.  Kids always say what they miss the most are the conversations, the opportunities to talk, and our program is so successful because we allow them to tell the story in their voice and to tell the truth.  No judgement, just listening.

Is there any online help you recommend?

A great resource is www.hellogrief.com, a social media resource for the professional, family member, child, anyone who is affected by grief. Members can create personal profiles, a memory wall in honor of their loved one, and get advice on a variety of topics related to grief.

Final thoughts?

Working with bereavement, we see what the nation is struggling with: deaths by cancer, heart-related illnesses, in-the-line-of-duty, suicide, homicide, father-losses.  How will this affect this generation?

Meet Josh Cooper
“When I was younger, I kept it in.  I would make up a story about what happened. But it’s easier when others know the real story … because your story makes you who you are.”

Vitals: 18 years old Freshman at Clarke University, DuBuque, Iowa Double Major: Communications and Psychology Hometown: Loves Park, Illinois Attended the first ever camp sponsored by the S.A.D. Foundation 2011 S.A.D. Foundation scholarship recipient Dream … to become a psychologist specialized in helping children of murdered parents cope and heal

Josh Cooper bats for the Crusader’s baseball team at Clarke University.  But unlike fellow teammates, the 18-year-old freshman’s personal crusade reaches far beyond the field.   He aims to become a psychologist, specializing in helping children of murdered parents cope and heal.  After attending the first camp sponsored by the Sheilah A. Doyle Foundation (S.A.D.), he says the organization helped him identify his career choice.  And that was only the start.

“Without them knowing it, they (the foundation) are the ones who helped push me to want to help kids of murdered parents.  If I wasn’t a part of them, I wouldn’t have realized that so early,” said Josh.   He says that sharing his story, alongside other campers, broke a lifelong silence about the events that led to his father’s death which involved drugs and violence.  “I told my story at camp and told what I wanted to do. Everyone was behind me.  It made me feel that I could do things in life and not worry. I can tell my story to anybody now and not be judged.  I was worried about people judging me a lot throughout my life,” he says.

Josh attended S.A.D.’s camp in late September.  Already a keen observer of life, the future psychologist made some observations.  “The younger kids walked away with stability knowing that people care about them,” said Josh.  “But the camp really hit the older kids.  We were able to take in more of the emotional side.  I was talking with the other teens my age about it.  I felt complete inside that I could tell complete strangers my story.  People actually cared about what happened.” 

The most poignant part of the camp for Josh was the bonfire.  He explains, “There was a part in the camp where we all stood around and wrote a note to our loved ones and then dropped it into the fire and the fire got bigger and then it subsided.  To me, I felt like I was there with my dad again and I could feel his presence and I broke down crying.  It just brought me to a different level of emotion that is really hard to explain.”

Josh’s mom, Kristie Bader, found S.A.D. by accident.  As she was searching the Internet one day for scholarship opportunities for her son, she happened to come across S.A.D.’s website.   After talking to Josh about the organization, he then rallied fellow club members of DECA, a student business group at his high school that periodically chose charitable organizations to support.  One presentation later and they unanimously voted to raise money during their DECA Week fundraiser held during lunch at school.  “I had to make a speech why we should choose the S.A.D. Foundation, and they all wanted to do it with me,” said Josh.

More than anything else, Josh encourages people to volunteer for S.A.D. “If they ever get an opportunity to sit down and talk with people in my and Kevin’s situation, they should take that time and listen because all those volunteers at the camp walked away speechless and it changed them even more than us,” comments Josh.  “We have learned to deal with the situation that has been put in front of us over the years and the volunteers haven’t so they came away fully changed with a different perspective on life.” 

He adds that the foundation is truly changing lives.  “They’re helping kids with murdered parents.  And they are helping society by teaching kids to realize that drug, violence and gang affiliations aren’t right,” said Josh.

Strategic Partner: Purpose Over Pain - An Interview with Annette Holt, Director of Purpose Over Pain

When Annette Holt lost her only son to gun violence, she had a choice: embrace bitterness or be an agent for change.  She chose to make a difference.  Purpose Over Pain was launched in 2007 to give hope and support to people like herself.  The group’s mantra: “While violence chose us without notice, we consciously choose to band together and turn our profound and collective pain into a sense of purpose to prevent future violence.”  The following is an interview with Annette about Purpose Over Pain, a strategic partner instrumental in helping the S.A.D. Foundation raise awareness.

What is Purpose Over Pain?

Our mission is to end gun violence OVER living with the pain.  We want to move the public conversation from the sensational of "what” happened to a more productive dialogue of "how" the community can actively care and find solutions.

What do you do?

We go out to schools and community groups to encourage parents to be an active part in their children’s life because if they aren’t, others will take that place and influence their children.  There’s a lot of pressure on these young people.  There are too many funerals, Teddy Bear memorials and friend’s faces on pictures  --- we’re trying to change that.  We also promote violence prevention educational programs for at-risk youth and promote a safe environment by advocating common-sense gun laws.

What did you think about the S.A.D. Foundation’s recent camp?

We thought it was great that they (the Doyle family) would take the time to honor their mother’s life by helping kids out.  They are wonderful young people.  I know their mother is so proud of them because they have the spirit to reach out.   They could have chosen to be bitter and feel self-pity, but they are like us – reaching out to help others and in the process healing themselves.  Nobody can understand how this feels unless you’ve gone through it.  There is nothing on this earth that can replace my son.  It’s painful every day, but to just know that there are other people who understand helps.  Your heart hurts so much, like you’re having a heart attack … no, your heart is broken.  That’s how I feel.  That’s how we all feel.

What was your “aha” moment while you were there?

To see all those young people who had lost siblings and parents open up and to see them joyful, smiling and playing games – the things we take for granted every day.  They gave from their hearts.  It took courage to stand up and open up.  I was blessed to be there.  When you are around people who are like you, you can live again, you can make it. This was a snapshot for the world – Hispanic, white, African American, Asian, different social classes, all together.  If the world looked like that, we wouldn’t have this violence.  I want the day to come when we don’t have to have S.A.D. or Purpose Over Pain. 

Are there any upcoming events you would like people to know about?

On Mother’s Day in 2012, we’ll be putting the killing of children with guns in the national spotlight.  It’s one of the hardest days of the year when you’ve lost a child. 

Any parting thoughts?

We’ve all lost our children so what greater gift can we give them but to help others.